


For Better or Worse

by snarkwhal



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon, Post-Ruin and Rising, Time Travel, its been a while since i wrote stuff for my trash otp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-04-24 20:02:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14362611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snarkwhal/pseuds/snarkwhal
Summary: After two years of living quietly in Keramzin with Mal, Alina is paid an unexpected visit. Either by some twisted part of her imagination or sick trick of the universe, the Darkling has come to see her. Possibly, with a message.





	1. Chapter 1

Groaning, and sounding as if I were dying, I forced myself awake. I was lying on a couch in a room filled with shelves and shelves of books and a desk. There were large, nearly floor to ceiling, windows in front of me and I could see dust motes dancing in the offensively bright sunlight. It was almost completely silent, except for a clock ticking and the occasional muffled footsteps and conversations of people somewhere else in the house. Even before I opened my eyes though, the smell of parchment and ink gave it all away. I was in my study at Keramzin.

Earlier, I had told Mal I wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t help with lessons or the kids today. I had complained about a headache, and he insisted on taking care of me, but I had argued with him for the better part of an hour and convinced him that he didn’t need to leave his responsibilities in the orphanage. So here I was, waking up from a nap, alone in the study with nothing but books to keep me company. Not that I didn’t like them, but It was a shame being stuck inside, considering how beautiful it looked on the other side of the window.

Deciding that I needed to do something, I stretched, and dragged myself over to get abetter view. Outside was the mansion’s front yard, the road leading to the gates, and the ever prominent tree stump. The trees that weren’t stumps were covered in gold and red leaves, a soft breeze occasionally blowing them from their branches. The sky was cloudless and the sun seemed to glare down mockingly at me as it aggravated my headache. The weather and promise of fresh air were prompting me to go out, yet I had no motivation to do so.  
Instead I sat on the window sill, eyes closed, twirling my fingers around as if to play with the sunlight. Of course I couldn’t do anything with the light anymore, but it was nice to pretend from time to time. It was a sick way for me to cope.

“Always such a wishful thinker aren’t you, Alina?”

My eyes flew open and my fingers froze in mid-air. That voice… I hadn’t heard it in years, but the memory of it was crystal clear. So cool and so calm. As sharp and as biting as the monsters it used to control. Full of the same deceptive charm that so many, me included, fell victim to.

Turning around slowly, I found its owner sitting on the couch, “Still showing up uninvited, Aleksander?”

He smiled at his name, “What? No welcome party? I was sure our reunion would’ve been more exciting.”

“And I was sure that it would’ve never happened. How did you get in here? More importantly, how are you even alive to begin with?” I asked, fighting myself to stay calm.

“You never ask the right questions, do you?”

Ignoring my confusion, the Darkling strode over to my side. I was shocked to see that his appearance wasn’t altered the way it used to be whenever he visited me in the Little Palace. All of the scars on his face , though extremely faint, were there. Even stranger was how faint the rest of him was. It wasn’t like he was translucent or anything, but like he had become more dull, like he had faded or was in the midst of fading.

If I wasn’t dreaming, I was certainly going insane.

“Well?”

The Darkling simply smirked and peered down at me, “Well, what?”

“Why are you here? Finally come to finish me off or did you just miss our friendly conversations?”

“Maybe a bit of both,” he shrugged, “I’m not exactly sure yet.”

I scoffed, crossing my arms and taking a step closer to him, “Not sure? You’ve always had every little detail planned out. You’ve been messing with me whenever and wherever since day one.”

He took a step toward me and leaned down till our faces were an inch apart, “And you’ve always managed to surprise me, Alina.”

I huffed and stomped my way back to the couch, glaring as I sat and saw him sit across from me. This had to be a dream or some sort of nightmare. Actually, it wasn’t terrifying at all, just infuriating, so calling it a nightmare would be giving him too much credit. I had to be hallucinating then. My tortured mind had finally decided to rid of any sense of reality and rip open all my old wounds.

The Darkling laid back in his seat and laughed softly, making me feel even sicker. Sick, not because I hated it, but because it made me feel the exact opposite. I had missed the sound, and had nearly forgotten how much I had loved it. Ironically enough, hearing him laugh was like having a knife in my heart. And that knife just kept twisting and twisting the longer he was there.

“Maybe I missed you. Maybe I’m manipulating you. I could just be something your imagination made up. I could just be a voice in your head,” he said casually.

I wanted to scream or throw a book at him, but something in my mind told me that it would be useless. No matter how hard I tried, he probably wouldn’t leave. Plus, the throbbing in my head kept getting stronger and stronger. It was like a battering ram at this point, and me making loud noises wouldn’t help that. It would probably bring Mal rushing in here, only to find poor Alina with her head in her hands and talking to herself.

“Well, I would say it was nice seeing you again, but I rather not lie. I do need to get going, and so should you,” I said making my way to the door.

“You’re right,” I paused as he spoke, “We should get going.”

“Wait what-“

I tried to finish, but I saw the Darkling bring his hands together in a resounding clap and my protests died on my tongue. The sound of thunder boomed, sending a lightning bolt of pain shooting through my head. Bursts of sunlight seared my vision as I struggled not to close my eyes. I was on my knees, and before I could scream, the world went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, sorry I took so long to update! School has me swamped and plus I spent most of the last month getting ready for a convention. I hope you like this chapter though! It may be a little while until I update again because the next few weeks are my last few weeks of high school.

When I woke up, I was in a room full of people, and not just _any_ people. There were men in full military dress, chests glittering with rows and rows of medals, and women drowning in the silk and jewels of their bright ball gowns. I could recognize the warm glow of champagne, as the light of chandeliers bounced off their glasses, and the distant sound of a full orchestra playing a waltz. Above me I could see a high ceiling molded with birds in flight and blooming flowers, calm scenes of nature rising above the ruckus of the large crowd swirling like the patterns on the marble floor. As I stood and turned to better observe the place, I saw windows guilded with gold and engraved with a double eagle, confirming that I was back in the ball room of the Grand Palace.

As I crept around the room from my position in the shadows, I noticed that there was snow outside. There was no way Os Alta had so much snow while the rest of Ravka didn’t have any at all… At least not in September. I must have hit my head hard. And where was the Darkling? If I really was in the Grand Palace, how did he take me here? It wasn’t a matter of where I was anymore, but a matter of when.

The orchestra struck a dramatic chord and a man covered completely in silver bounded onto the stage, introducing a performance. My eyes shot around the room for the millionth time and this time I caught sight of them. Men and women in deep plum, crimson, and midnight blue. All of them were in intricately embroidered keftas, signaling their grisha orders, showing off their status in a much more subtle way compared to the nobility. I couldn’t believe I missed that. And if they were here, the triumvirate had to be right? Unless…

A wisp of black fabric moved in my peripheral vision and without thinking I began following the person wearing it. It wasn’t like the Darkling to party, so he had brought me here for a reason and I was going to get answers one way or another. Of course, there was no being sure that I was following him, considering the room was only lit by brief bursts of inferni flame from the demonstration and I could only catch glimpses of black fabric without exposing my hiding spot behind some pillars. Sneaking my way around to the side of the stage, I got my answers as I saw a sun beam shoot up and into the Etherealki made mist, creating a cascading rainbow above the crowd.

Amongst the resounding chorus of “Oooh” and “Ahh”, I gasped as I faced the person in control… As I faced myself. I didn’t have to look at her outfit to know that we were back at the Winter Fate.

She gasped and the light wavered and disappeared, prompting me to realize that I probably shouldn’t have made so much noise. Had she heard me? Who was I kidding, of course she heard me, I was standing right next to her now. What was she going to think once she saw me? Would she think I was just some stranger with white hair and an uncanny resemblance? Would referring to myself as “she” and “her” get any less weird?

Before I could jump to anymore conclusions, I noticed the figure standing on her other side. _Oh_ , I thought with a sick sense of relief, _it was just the Darkling that she saw_. Wait, but which Darkling was this?The one from the past? Or was the one I was talking to earlier doubling down on the confusion and messing with both of us?

As if on queue, I heard a chuckle from behind me.

Whispering, I turned and waved my hand in the direction of the pair, “Decided to take a walk down memory lane I see.”

“I always thought you looked the best in black,” he shrugged and made no effort to stay quiet as we observed ourselves, “They can’t hear us you know? Can’t even see us.”

I raised an eyebrow at him and nodded slowly. It was clear now that we started talking and there was no use in questioning how he did this. I knew he wouldn’t tell me out right, and there was probably more to it than making me feel regret, but I couldn’t place it’s exact purpose and there was no harm in playing a small guessing game till I could.

“And how’d you pull that off? Sold what tiny bit was left of your soul?”

“Alina, me bargaining with people like that? That shred of a soul you mentioned would be of little value to them.”

I turned back to take a look at the other two, but the ball room went pitch black. Thanks to the heavy tension of the room, I remembered that it was all a part of the show and that I hadn’t blacked out again. It was still uncomfortable though. With the civil war being over for quite a while now, I hadn’t had to deal with the Shadow Fold and any darkness like it since. Feeling that all consuming darkness again made my body buzz. I wanted to jump out of my own skin, but I didn’t know if it was because I was scared or excited by the power.

Carefully, I made my way to the front of the stage. It wasn’t like I would be seeing this demonstration for the first time, but I was curious about how it looked from the audience’s point of view. All of them had seen me as Ravka’s savior after all, and since I had long past that point after my “death”, I couldn’t help but try to experience that again. Even if I wasn’t so fond of it the first time around.

Bad idea.

I saw my past self bring a hand up, directing the light flowing from it to one mirror and then another and another as each new one shifted and created a criss-crossing pattern in the air above. My heart wrentched at the sight of the past Alina smiling as she looked between the crowd and her partner on stage, and it was as if it was trying to claw its way out of me and reach for her. She was glowing, not because of the light itself, but because of the feeling that it always pumped through my blood and sparked in my nerves. I remembered the rush of certainty that came with using it, that was brought up to a thousand when I touched the Darkling, and I had to fight every fiber of my being not to raise my hand in an attempt to hold onto that again. All I could manage was hiding my twitching fingers in the folds of my skirt.

Feeling someone put an arm around me, I glanced at the Darkling, attempting to hide my frustration. If anyone else could see us, we’d probably look like a couple staring at a starry sky in awe and in love if it weren’t for the strain on my face. Saints, we’d probably look as happy as the two on stage. The Alina there had encompassed them in a glowing halo, making them look like they were in a star and not just looking at one. As I looked back up at the display of power, I could see my Darkling smiling out of the corner of my eye, either because his plan was working or he genuinely enjoyed being back here with me. Probably the former…

_Wait_ , I thought, _had I just called him “my Darkling”?_

My past self put less concentration into the circle and simply let a dim glow emerge, allowing me a second to relax as the performance calmed down. But as soon as I remembered that it wasn’t over yet, past Alina clapped her hands together in a resounding boom and the room became as bright as midday. People burst into applause, singing praises and calling me a miracle worker, their faces ablaze with hope and admiration. Some were even thanking the Darkling for his part in finding Ravka a savior. I, on the other hand, felt like shoving him into a fountain or a pack of volcra would be a more appropriate form of gratitude. Since I wasn’t near the Fold, I settled for trying to look impassive while seeing if I could swipe a snack from one of the servers.

Trailing me the Darkling spoke , “Was it everything you remembered? Better?”

I simply twisted my way past a group of drunk courtiers as they swayed and nearly knocked over one of the hundreds of flower arrangements, not giving the Darkling so much as another glance.

“It was nice wasn’t it? Relishing in that power again, taking in the way people revered us. They saw you like a queen, Alina. And you could have been one. You had a responsibility to your people, Sankta.”

“The _Sankta_ ,” I turned on my heel and spat, “had the responsibility of saving Ravka which’s done need I remind you. Alina Starkov, on the other hand, is supposed to be responsible for running an orphanage at the moment.”

Grey eyes twinkled at me like quartz , “But you haven’t gone by Alina Starkov in years. At least not to those in that beloved orphanage and the rest of the world.”

“Oh, so now _you’re_ going to bring up not using real names?”

“Merely saying that you could’ve been known as so much more than a martyr and the otkazat’sya wife you are now.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” I rolled my eyes, “but I have places to be.”

Unsurprisingly, the Darkling smirked, “And things to see.”

The pain in my head returned at full force as the Darkling clapped his hands again. A sudden burst of black consumed my surroundings, accompanied by a wave of dizziness and nausea as the headache pounded in time with my heart. Flying and sailing made plenty of people feel horrible, but I would argue that time travel was a form of motion sickness not acknowledged enough. Whatever was next, nichevo’ya or the Apparat’s cult, it could not make me feel any worse than I did now. If it did, I’d just have to figure out this new ability or learn how to wake up from, what should obviously be, a fevered dream. Or if I was going to throw up, I could at least go for the Darkling’s boots while I was at it.

**Author's Note:**

> Oooh, I'm back and with some more Alarkling! I don't know how I feel about this chapter so far, but as always, tell me what you think in the comments.
> 
> Also, if you have the Amino app, you should join the Leigh Bardugo one because I'm on it. Come talk to me there or take a look at my blog posts on my Alina cosplay. I'm @her royal sightless. Woo shameless self plug!


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